Be Bad

Hi, it’s me again. I’ve felt for a while that I’ve had nothing to say which is far from the truth. I just struggle to put it all into words. Or write it down instead of repeating it over and over to myself. Moving past that, I’m here again.

I’ve decided to go to an adult ballet class next week. You might be wondering if I’m a dancer. No, I’m not and that’s exactly why I’m going. I danced from ages 3 - 11 and then in 2023 took a college ballet class. You may be thinking that makes me a dancer, and maybe it does! But regardless I am a bad dancer. Awful. One time in a class we were taught body rolls, I tried mine and the teacher burst out laughing. She said I had great comedic timing - I wasn’t trying to be funny.

I am a notoriously bad dancer, but I love it. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. The way music invites the body to move (I sound hippie dippy but whatever). One of my earliest memories is watching Barbie Swan Lake. The way the music swelled as spun around entranced me. There is also nothing better than Tchaikovsky’s Opus 20, when the two swans are battling and Odette, the main character, loses her prince and everything she’s ever wanted. I read once that Tchaikovsky had just lost his sister when composing this piece and you can hear the grief in the music. I to this day still listen to this piece on Spotify. Talk about a lifelong obsession.

Back to dancing. Why am I taking a class again besides the obvious reason that I love it? For myself and many others hobbies don’t exist anymore. This a two pronged problem. The first prong being the rise of social media and doomscrolling taking everyone's time and having us habitually consume rather than create. The other prong is that we fear so deeply being bad at something that we have taken that option away as a whole. No one does anything just because they like to anymore, they have to simultaneously have some bit of talent. No can be bad at anything, it’s all or nothing. We’ve lost the point of hobbies. Hobbies “fill our bucket” internally not externally. Hobbies are not meant to gain you notoriety or money. They can, but at that point, I’d say we’ve veered into side hustle territory.

As someone who has lived her whole life always trying to be the best or at least decent at everything she does, it is a stark contrast to just be bad at something. And yet it is necessary. For me dancing is something that makes me smile, and nothing else. It doesn't feel like a financial gain could be had or anything awarded to me. It is purely fun. That’s what we all need in this world, to be creating for the pure joy of it, ignoring the fears of what others will think. Ignoring where it may take you in life and rather enjoying the moment of doing. I struggle with this daily. How can one not in a society that is in their face 24/7 telling them to achieve more?

I invite the maybe seven people that will read this to try something and be really bad at it. Something that you’ve always wanted to try or something you remember loving - and be just what you are. Not trying to be better or learn more but rather being right where you are in your skill level.

Thank you for reading and good night!!